How to maintain and work towards a healthy relationship


          Marc is always insisting I find new ways to learn new things, and for a while he even had me watching Ted Talks pertaining to my major or just things in general that I found interesting. When I was doing that, he'd ask me for a little summary on what I heard and my feelings about it if any. So I found a Ted Talk on how to maintain or work towards a healthy relationship. No relationship is perfect, including mine and Marc's relationship, so I figured I'd look into the research being done on this topic. Since these blogs are usually a summary or something I figured I'd let you guys see what I learned.
          If there's one thing we all want, it's a healthy relationship. Ones where you have intimacy, security, respect, good communication, and a sense of being valued. According to the speaker and her research, these are the things a relationship needs to be healthy. If instead you find yourself arguing all the time, hostility lurks around your relationship, don't feel comfortable going to your partner for support and feel stuck in endless bad patterns, you probably need to start working on things asap. So she and her colleagues came up with a skill set they termed "romantic competence", it would increase the good behaviors and decrease the bad ones. The three skills that make up romantic competence are insight, mutuality, and emotional regulation. 

1. Insight: it allows you to be aware of oneself and understand who you are as a person. We're quick to put the blame on our partners and don't always think about what we're doing. With insight, we are able to learn from our mistakes.
2. Mutuality: it allows you to know that both you and your partner have needs, and both of your needs matter. Not only do they both matter, but it is important that you are willing to meet your partners needs and to support them.
3. Emotional regulation: it allows you to give yourself a second to put things into perspective. You don't want to freak out about something when you know there is a solution. There will always be a solution. With regulating your emotions you will find a tolerance being built instead of acting irrationally.
          
          Those three things hit it on the head for me. The more she spoke, the more I could point out when I didn't think about my end of an issue and put all the blame on Marc. I could see how I was so focused on meeting my own needs before even thinking about his. And finally, I could see when I'm overreacting and need to take a chill pill to see things will work out some how some way. Those three things aren't always going to be easy to think about because when you're upset, you don't want to think about research, you just want to be upset. I get it, I'm saying I'll do it all the time now, but I know it won't be easy. If I'm able to do it at least 50% of the time, then we're making progress. And when we're making progress, we're one step closer to a healthier realtionship. Who knows, after thinking and doing it so much, you and I both might end up with some pretty positive built in skills! Now the true task is, when do we start?

With love always,
Becca Colón

P.s. If you want to watch the Ted Talk, I've linked it down below! Happy healthy relationship-ing!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Home Stretch

Image
So close! We are so close to the end of the month. We've almost made it. I will finally have time off, and won't be as tired as I've been. Thank you love for sticking with me this month. I know it's been hard. With all of my sleepiness and staying on campus to get work done, even when we see each other, I feel like it lasts for just a few moments. There is also something super exciting about seeing our diplomas next to each other. For two, first-generation college students, we sure have done well for ourselves. Teamwork makes the dream work right?? I think so! It definitely helps to have a superstar on the team anyway. And by superstar, I mean Mr. Do-It-All-Himself-Colón. Thank you for being such a great teammate! With love always, Becca Colón P.s. I still don't know why you don't complain about the accent mark!
Read more

Thanks to Anonymous

Image
Sometimes we see, read, or hear things that we try to get across. For me lately, I've been trying to get across what young love means, and the beauty of it. Today, I came across another blog, where someone worded it in simplest form. Short, sweet, and to the point. Thank you Anonymous, I couldn't have said it better myself. " The question is asked: “Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is given: “Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. "It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.” " With love always, Becca Colón P
Read more

One Year Ago

Image
Exactly one year ago today. The time has truly flown by. I've posted this video a few times before, but we're finally at it's anniversary. What a year it has been love! Crazy, to say the least. We legit spent majority of our first year together apart. It's okay though, we made it back to where we need to be. I love you bub! With love always, Becca Colón P.s. Looks just like Rachel from Suits haha.
Read more