Running Low
It's only been two and a half weeks of school and I'm already at my wits end. Sometimes when I get in these moods I remind myself this is why Marc wanted to have everything set before entering a relationship. He wanted to be able to provide what he wanted to offer in a relationship. Marc was smart for keeping his mind set for the long run. It's hard to do that sometimes, but he always knew how to keep focused. I've struggled with being motivated for a long time, but when I see how far he has come, it's almost impossible not to be motivated. I remember every semester Marc was here with me, he'd challenge me to get straight A's. I honestly thought it would be mission impossible. With his constant encouragement last semester I was able to pull it off while taking 18 credits and working 30+ hours a week. I know this semester will be no different having him push me to finish strong. I haven't spoke about appreciation for a while, and I need to get back on that. A couple weeks ago as I was looking into graduate programs and jobs I found myself scared and lost. I didn't know where to go next in terms of my education or where to look for jobs. There was nothing Marc could have said any better to ready me. In that moment I was reminded about all the hard work he had been putting in over the years. He explained to me that all his hard work was not just for his benefit. With the hard work he had put in, he wants me to take risks. Do what I have to do to get where ever I need to go, to reach my highest potential, and for me not to be scared of failing as long as I put all my effort into things. In my gender class we spoke about gender stereotypes of men, women, and relationships. Marc and I have an nontraditional-traditional relationship. Even though I like to cook, be super affectionate, am beyond emotional, and he is a provider, a leader, and strong, in no way do I feel how a "traditional" wife is supposed to feel. We spoke about how women would go to school, get their higher education pretty much for nothing, other than to stay at home and be a wife. With Marc, he encourages me to go beyond with all of my work and studies. If I want to go for a PhD, he's more than willing to back me up and support me along the way. When I get in my moods of feeling lost and feel like I'm running low on steam, I remind myself of all of this. I cannot let all of Marc's hard work be for nothing. I will appreciate not only the moments and opportunities that he provides for me, but the opportunities I am given that he supports me in. 3 months and 4 days left of finishing strong. We got this! Another graduation will soon be under our belts. Graduation #4!
With love always,
Becca Colón
P.s. 2 more days *sigh*
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